Psychological Stoicism Part 4: Stoic Training

A few years ago, I found myself staring out the window of the train that was taking me to London, wondering what it was like for people who had to travel across the city before the invention of the underground. At various times, I guessed people would have ridden a horse, peddled a bike, or simply walked. I looked at my timetable and found that I just about had enough time to walk to my appointments instead of taking the tube. That day, I walked over 30km (18 Miles) and wore down both heels on my trainers. I slept well that night.

A fuzzy photo of my 43,000 steps in London in 2022

Doing Hard Things

Stoics will sometimes go out of their way to do things that are psychologically, emotionally or physically uncomfortable. They will do hard things just because they are hard, and they will do so in the knowledge that because what they are attempting to do is difficult, there is considerable risk of failure.

Let me pause before I go on to clarify that Stoics take steps to prevent bad things from happening. Before going on a long drive, they will check their petrol, oil, and water levels, and they will prepare for a presentation by dressing appropriately, learning all the material, and considering tricky questions that could be asked. Stoic training is not about approaching life in a haphazard way and putting up with the difficult consequences of being unprepared.

I know going out of your way to do hard things sounds masochistic, so let me describe stoic training and its rationale. Seneca, as well as being one of the great Roman stoics, was also the equivalent of a first-century billionaire. At times, he stepped away from his life of luxury to practice poverty. He often made do with the cheapest possible food and wore uncomfortable clothing. Instead of imagining a poor person's life, as we encourage in the negative visualisation meditation, he would live like an impoverished person for a period of time.

A Modern-Day Stoic

A modern-day Stoic might want to practice poverty in a similar way. Instead of driving the ten minutes to the train station one morning, they might forsake the car and do a thirty-minute journey on foot. For more intensive training, they might, one day, do it in the wind and rain. In other words, they will purposely go out of their way to make themselves physically uncomfortable, even though being more comfortable is an option.

Although unpleasant in the moment, this might boost their confidence and change their mindset about what they are capable of. What else could they do if they put their mind to it? It will also come with the added bonus of being more grateful for driving to the train station in the car on another day when the weather is not so good. Something they might otherwise have taken for granted.

As a Stoic, they wouldn’t do this to impress others or boast about their achievements but to strengthen their psychological immune system and increase their confidence and resilience about future challenges.

Stoic training is highly personalised

There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to Stoic training. For someone much older, their Stoic training might involve walking down to the bottom of the garden and back. My dad, now in his 90s and with mobility problems, likes to keep himself fit by walking to the kitchen and back several times a day using his Zimmer frame. Despite it taking a lot of effort, he says that he needs to know that he can do it if and when he really needs to. The goal of this type of Stoic training is not to beat other people or impress them but to do something uncomfortable for them.

I should point out at this stage, that a Stoic will never take health risks or put themselves in danger. The goal is resilience through discomfort, not injury or ill health.

Physical discomfort is only one part of Stoic training; you should also do things that are psychologically or emotionally difficult. For you, this might mean talking to your neighbour, speaking in public, saying hello to a stranger, or going to a new cafe instead of the regular place you feel comfortable in. Stoic training involves doing anything outside your comfort zone as long as it doesn’t put your safety at risk or make someone else feel uncomfortable.

I often struggle with social anxiety, so I push myself in this area by saying hello to people whilst walking my dog, ordering something at a busy bar, or holding workshops in unfamiliar environments, towns or cities. Often, these are small, incremental steps, but they make a huge difference in the long run.

Most people respond well to these sorts of social interactions, but not always. I’ve learned to be comfortable with the uncomfortable feeling of people looking straight through me as I say hello, being ignored at a bar while people who came after me get served first, or people not responding as I expected at workshops. Sometimes, people’s minds are elsewhere; they are having a busy day, going through a difficult time, or just don’t want to interact. That’s fine. You won’t always get the response you want or expect. Be kind to yourself and in your thoughts about others when they don’t respond in the way you want them to. It’s uncomfortable when it happens, but it builds resilience.

Exposure Therapy: Fears Fade with Exposure

Stoic training like this is very much in keeping with what is known in clinical psychology as ‘exposure therapy’. Anxieties often persist because we try to avoid them. By avoiding perceived threatening situations, we can’t get any new information about whether the imagined threat is significant in reality. Our fears are preserved because we don’t allow ourselves to discover disconfirming evidence about them.

Avoidance becomes self-reinforcing. When worrying about something, such as presenting in front of others, you might take action to reduce the perceived threat, maybe by turning down the presentation or calling in ill. The anxiety is now gone, and you feel relieved. This acts as a psychological reward, strengthening avoidance behaviour in the future (negative reinforcement). This avoidance perpetuates the anxiety. However, continually confronting our fears shows us that fears fade with exposure.

People who voluntarily do something that they fear doing are courageous. Courage is not the absence of fear; it is fear walking. If you wait to feel confident before trying something difficult, you will wait a long time. The actions of confidence come first; the feelings of confidence come second. So confront one of your fears, especially one that impacts your life, and bash it into submission. Start small and build incrementally. Work on developing your psychological immune system.

Beginning Stoic Training

When you begin your Stoic training, your mind may start protesting. I use one of the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) skills called defusion to help me deal with the protests. I name the protesting part of my mind ‘Passive Matt’. He nearly always feels threatened when he becomes aware I’m about to start something difficult. He reminds me how much better I would feel if I didn’t try. He tells me to ease up and try it another day when I feel in a better place to do it. “Have a rest”, he says, “You deserve one.” I know that allowing myself to be seduced by Passive Matt will make him louder and more daring and encourage him to intrude in other aspects of my life. I also know I can’t get rid of him, but I can genuinely thank him for his concern, tell him not to worry, remind him that I’m in charge, and take action anyway.

May the Force be with You

So, for your Stoic training, do something you are afraid of doing. If you fear public speaking, you might take a course in public speaking. If you have a fear of spiders, your training might involve learning more about them, spending more time around them and maybe even handling them in a safe way. If you fear failure, you might undertake activities in which failure is the likely outcome just so you can get used to failing. By doing so, you may realise there's something much worse than failing, and that is not even trying to do something because you fear failure by exposing yourself to it. Are you ready to start? Today is as good a time as any. May the force be with you.