Psychological Stoicism Part 1: Negative Visualisation
This series of posts is not meant to be a comprehensive course on Stoic theory and practice. Instead, it offers small strategies that can assist you in maintaining tranquillity and guiding you in the right direction during stressful and difficult times. If you'd like an introduction to this series of posts on psychological Stoicism, please click here.
You can hear an audio version of this post by clicking here.
“Your days are numbered. Use them to throw open the window of your soul to the sun. If you do not, the sun will soon set, and you with it. ”
What's With All This Negativity?
Can visualising negative events make you happy? You wouldn't think so, but the stoics did, and they were right. We'll talk about why this is in a little while, but first, I'd like you to consider what you think will make you happy, or at least happier.
People who come to my workshops often tell me they just want to be happy or more satisfied with life. This is a common goal for most of us. Who doesn't want to be happy or more satisfied with life? If you ask people what they think will make them happy, they often talk about getting the things they want in life and achieving their goals. Let me ask you the same question. What do you think will make you happier? Pause here before reading and give it a few moments of thought.
Your answers might have included a bigger house, a newer car, a better job, more money, or the perfect partner. These are all common answers. This approach is called the gap theory of happiness - there is a gap between what you have and what you want - and filling that gap will make you happier. This makes intuitive sense, but our intuitions aren't always correct. Why is this?
Hedonic Adaptation
The answer lies in the fleeting nature of satisfying wants and achieving goals. When you get what you want and fill the gap, you will indeed be happier for some time. However, that happiness, or sense of satisfaction, soon fades, and you find yourself with another gap that needs filling. Then another and another and another. Psychologists call this hedonic adaptation - we quickly adapt to our new circumstances, consider them normal, and then start looking for a new gap to fill. We're on the hedonic treadmill, constantly taking steps but getting nowhere. Rather than making us happy, this approach tends to lead to a life of nagging dissatisfaction.
The Stoic Approach
The Stoics accepted the presence of this gap, but they found a new way of approaching the problem. They realised that another way of closing the happiness gap is to want the things you already have. When you first hear this solution, you might feel a little underwhelmed. You may have even scoffed. That's okay; I did, too. Wait, the answer is just to want the things I already have? Surely that will leave me stuck and unfulfilled? I thought it sounded defeatist and unambitious, but I tried it anyway.
To my surprise, I found that the Stoics were onto something. I realised that if I invested time into learning how to want what I already had instead of trying to get what I didn't have, my mood improved, my sense of satisfaction grew, and I could focus more on the current moment. Rather than continually transporting myself into an uncertain future and grappling with how to control that future, I focused on being satisfied by doing things that mattered in the present. I also became less afraid of what the future might hold.
The Stoics believed that someone who embraces the life they have is much better off than the millionaire who thinks that a bigger mansion in a more exclusive place would be the missing piece of the jigsaw that would finally make them happy. Many people covet the millionaire's lifestyle without realising they are on a treadmill just like them—just a more extravagant version.
Hang on, this doesn't sound very inspirational. Do I have to give up on my goals, aspirations, and ambitions? Not at all. Indeed, this approach will provide a solid foundation on which to build your life. Learning to want what you already have doesn't mean life stops and never changes. It just means that life isn't always on hold, waiting for the next big thing before you feel you are truly living. You can still make plans and have ambitions.
Negative Visualisation Exercise
One technique that can be used to learn to want what we already have is called negative visualisation. It is surprisingly effective, easy to understand, and doesn't take much time to implement. I'd like you to try it now.
Step 1 - Think about someone or something important to your life. This can be a family member such as a partner, a child, or a parent. It might be a role that is important to you, such as a job or an activity you love doing, such as walking, gaming, or playing an instrument. Anything that is important to you.
Step 2 - Imagine that person, role, or activity disappears from your life. For example, imagine your partner leaving you, your child goes missing, you get made redundant from your job, or you injure yourself so you cannot walk. This part might seem quite grim, but bear with me. The Stoics went as far as believing that you should grieve your family, friends and loved ones when they were living. Senica, the Roman Stoic philosopher, said, ‘Let us greedily enjoy our friends because we do not know how long this privilege will be ours.’ You can grieve much-loved roles or activities similarly because the privilege of these circumstances will not last forever, either.
Step 3 - Now that you have chosen the important person, role, or activity and thought about how it may disappear from your life, start to visualise this happening. What will be the consequences for your life, and how will it feel? Conjure up a mental image of what that situation would be like and fill in the details of the story. Imagine it happening just for a few seconds.
Now you can stop the visualisation; your life is back to normal. Thank goodness! While this sort of visualisation may seem bleak, you don't have to linger on it for more than a few seconds, and you will often find, rather than feeling down or upset, that you will have a positive shift in your mood and outlook. The exercise works by changing your perspective on the people or circumstances you may have taken for granted. You realise how fortunate you are to have a partner you love, a child who is safe, or a job you enjoy.
After a short time of negative visualisation, you might find yourself savouring the company of your child you had just imagined had gone missing, paying her full attention. You might find yourself delighting in going for a simple walk, cherishing your ability to walk and feel the wind blowing against your face. You're grateful for what you have now.
I recently listened to an interview with the author Robert Greene. He was describing his experience of recovering from a stroke that had left him unable to do some things he had previously taken for granted. He explained how he often looked out his window and envied the people he saw walking their dogs on the street outside. He had previously done this every day, but he no longer could. If only he could perform that simple act now, it would give him so much pleasure. He realised how much he had taken it for granted.
It also reminded me of a time a few years ago when I was stuck in traffic after travelling home from a meeting. At that time, my mother had a terminal illness with only weeks to live. I had just spent the previous two weeks caring for her at her home on the other side of the country. She was spending those final days unable to leave her bed or room. During those weeks at her house, I often imagined what it would be like knowing that you had probably left your house, room, or bed for the last time. She seemed at peace with the situation, but it gave me an enormous feeling of gratitude that I could move around from room to room, leave the house, go on walks, and visit the local shops.
Sitting in that traffic jam, I thought of my mother in her bed at home and briefly imagined myself in the same situation. I looked through the car window at the sky, the different types of buildings, and the people walking by. I suddenly felt so grateful just to sit in traffic and watch the world go by. I could drive, I could walk, I could travel. Life was good.
Negative visualisation can even be effective when life feels particularly tough. This is because, more often than not, your circumstances could nearly always be much worse than they currently are. You may find yourself living in a cramped apartment. Don't spend your time thinking about what it would be like to live in a spacious detached house. That will just make you miserable. Instead, think about what it would be like to live in a tent or have no home at all. Doing that will help you to appreciate your cramped apartment. This doesn't mean you can't set goals or make plans to one day have a nicer home, but it will help you to be more grateful and at peace now, giving you space to focus on what you need to do in the present.
Practise Often
Although transformative in the moment, you will find the effects of negative visualisation will weaken after a while and won't always transfer from one situation to another. Not to worry, this allows you to practise negative visualisation often and in different situations. It only takes a few seconds, and you can do it anywhere, whether you're in your car feeling agitated because you're stuck in traffic, at your desk before an exam, or even in the hospital waiting room while waiting to undergo a medical procedure (as I have done a few times in recent years).
Getting the Balance Right
Remember to keep your negative visualisations short and snappy. When first using this exercise, a common mistake is to dwell on the bad scenarios excessively. This can result in growing anxiety about the people we love and the world we live in. Negative visualisation can sometimes be challenging, but the result should always be gratitude and love for the life we lead. So keep in mind, little and often.
As the practice takes little effort and only a brief amount of time, I sometimes do it multiple times a day, as and when needed. When it's cold and raining, and I don't feel like venturing outside for my daily dog walk, I can often run my hand over my dog's head, look him in the eyes and tell him how great it is to see him and be able to take him outside. After all, there'll be a time when he is no longer around for our walks together, and I'll miss them terribly.
Good boy, Rocket, let's go.